NFL Week 15 picks: Forrest Gump Was Only Partly Right

My favorite line from the 1994 movie, “Forrest Gump” was, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

To me, that means that stupid people do stupid things.

But, I disagree. I only have to go a few feet from my house to see someone doing something stupid. Driving too fast. Driving while on a cellphone. Letting their dog poop and not picking it up. Blowing the crap they don’t want on their lawns onto the street so everyone can “enjoy” the crap they don’t want on their lawns. And on and on.

That does not mean the people doing these things are stupid. Most of them are not. But, they are doing stupid things.

And sadly, I have done many stupid things in my life and I do not consider myself stupid (although you may get an argument from those that know me).

Some of the stupid things I have done were in sporting events that I participated in. One summer when I was 16, I was playing for an American Legion baseball team and was on first base. A pitch went into the dirt and, thinking I was being a smart baserunner, I took off for second. Approaching the base, I could see the second baseman covering the base, so I slid in safely when the ball arrived a second or so later. I got up and dusted off my pants, proud of myself.

“Foul ball”, the second baseman told me. I looked at the umpire. He said nothing, so I started trotting back to first. I took less than two steps before the previously friendly second baseman tagged me.

“You’re out!”, the umpire who suddenly found his voice bellowed.

It was not a foul ball, but it was the longest trot of my life back to the safety of the dugout.

Professional athletes, the huge majority of them who are not stupid, have done many stupid things. Gus Frerotte, a quarterback for the then Washington Redskins in 1997, had to leave a game and go to the hospital when he sprained his neck while celebrating a touchdown he scored. Frerotte’s celebration was head butting a padded cement wall. Clara Morris wrote 23 years later that usually athletes sacrifice their bodies in order to score, not because they scored.

In what might have been a smarter move than it seemed at the time, Steve Lyons pulled his pants down to dust himself off while standing on first base after beating out a bunt in 1990. It certainly drew a lot of attention to Lyons, who used that attention to vault into a broadcasting career.

When Pete Rose was managing the Cincinnati Reds, Pete Rose bet on his own team. I guess it could have been worse-he didn’t bet against his own team. Even though the bookie produced written gambling slips from Rose, the all-time hit leader denied for several years what seemed to most people to be very obvious. When Rose finally admitted his offense, he was ostracized by nearly everyone connected with the National Pastime. Many were more angry at Rose for admitting his transgression than they were for betting on his own team.

Michael Phelps was certainly one of the greatest swimmers of all time. But in 2009, he allowed himself to be photographed smoking marijuana out of a bong, which “somehow” ended up on the Internet. I think Phelps’ biggest miscue was trusting someone he obviously believed to be a friend.

Las Vegas native Marty Cordova had a nine-year professional career in which he missed several games one season because he fell asleep on a tanning bed and got a very bad sunburn. At least he was trying to look good.

In 2008, professional football player Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg when the gun that he for some reason brought into a Manhattan nightclub accidently went off. In one of the most grievous examples of adding insult to injury, Burress was then arrested for not having a valid New York concealed weapons permit.

In 1980, Rosie Ruiz thought she could somehow trick thousands of spectators, officials, runners, and cameras by jumping out of the crowd during the Boston Marathon and joining the race. She finished first in what was for her an abbreviated race, but was later disqualified.

Baseball player Vince Coleman was forced to miss the rest of the 1985 season with a chipped knee when he somehow was swallowed up by a baseball tarp, which I guess he never saw coming.

And of course, the list of dumb athletic moves would never be complete without at least mentioning Leon Lett. Lett was a two-time Pro Bowler during his 10-year NFL career who will be forever remembered for two of the most famous football gaffes of all time. The first came during Super Bowl XXVII when Lett recovered a Buffalo Bills’ fumble and began running for what seemed to be a glorious defensive touchdown. Or at least, it must have seemed glorious to Lett, because he started celebrating 10 yards or so short of the endzone. While Leon was dancing and holding the ball like it was the Super Bowl MVP Trophy, he didn’t notice Bills receiver Don Beebe coming up fast behind him. Before he crossed the end line and eternal glory, Beebe swatted the ball out of Lett’s hand and his glorious TD turned into a lost fumble that has been ridiculed for almost 32 years now.

The second Leon Lett brain freeze occurred 10 months later, on Thanksgiving Day, 1993. The field in Dallas was covered in ice and snow, and points were at a premium. With 15 seconds left in the game, the 7-3 Cowboys trailed the 8-2 Miami Dolphins 14-13. The Dolphins attempted a 41-yard field goal which the Cowboys blocked, seemingly ending the game.

But as the Cowboys celebrated and the TV camera focused on the ball spinning crazily on the frozen turf, a white jersey flashed into the screen and attempted to recover the football that already belonged to the Cowboys. That jersey was being worn that day by Leon Lett and when he touched but could not secure the ball, there was a Miami Dolphin there that could. The Dolphins then made their second attempt at the winning field goal and Leon Lett gained more fame than his bountiful talent ever did.

Well sports fans, although Leon Lett was not involved this time, the Cowboys did it again. Monday night, the Cowboys and Cincinnati Bengals were tied at 20 late in the 4th quarter when the Cowboys’ defense did their job and forced a Bengals’ punt. It appeared that maybe the Cowboys’ season and playoff hopes were not doomed when Cal Adomitis got through the Bengals’ protection and got a hand on the punt. The ball went forward 15 yards or so when Cowboys’ player Amani Oruwariye thought it would be a good idea to try to field the crazily hopping ball. While Oruwariye could not cleanly field and secure the ball, he could touch it making it a free ball until the Bengals recovered it. Like Leon Lett, if Oruwariye had just let the ball alone, it would have been Cowboys’ ball. Three plays later, the Bengals scored the game winning touchdown, and that for sure doomed the Cowboys’ season.

Who knows, maybe Amani Oruwariye will be like Steve Lyons and use a messup to gain heights of fame his ability couldn’t. Or maybe, 20 years from now, some guy who thinks he’s pretty funny will bring up this play along with other dumb things I just wrote about. 

No matter, I know not all stupid acts are perpetrated by stupid people, but I also know stupid people do stupid things. So Forrest, I liked your movie but don’t agree with everything in it.

Here are this week’s picks against the spread. Lines are from espn.com on Wednesday, Dec. 11.

Cleveland Browns (+4 ½) vs Kansas City Chiefs: Be careful, this one has moved from Chiefs -6 ½, and I am leery of “steam”. But, if you can get Cleveland at +3 ½ or better, grab it.

Miami Dolphins (+3) at Houston Texans: The Dolphins are not hot, but something is wrong with the Texans.

Denver Broncos (-4) vs. Indianapolis Colts: I don’t like giving more than 3, but the Broncos are looking like a serious playoff team.

Detroit Lions (-2 ½) vs Buffalo Bills: This one should be good, but I think the Bills are weaker against the pass than the Lions, and the Lions have more weapons to exploit that advantage.

Pittsburgh Steelers (+5 ½) at Philadelphia Eagles: I’m not sure why Eagles’ players are complaining with the winning streak they have, but I remember last year.

Last week 3-2

Season 40-44-2

Robert’s picks

Bowl games: I don’t have a play in either of the first four bowl games that are scheduled between now and next Thursday, but the key thing to look for in these early bowl games is players opting out or entering the transfer portal. There have already been significant line moves in the first three games as players have entered the portal and coaching changes have been announced. But don’t be afraid to go against the grain in certain situations. Remember USC last year, when Caleb Williams opted out, but Miller Moss threw six touchdowns and 372 yards in the Holiday Bowl. Some teams will be gutted and competing at far less than full strength, but other teams will have guys step up. Gather as much info as you can before you stick your hand in your pocket.

Jaguars (+3) over Jets: Yes, the jaguars are 3-10, Trevor Lawrence is out and Mac Jones is in. But the Jets are 1-9 in their last 10 games, 2-8 against the spread. What have they done to deserve laying a field goal on the road?

Bills/Lions over 54 ½: This is a high total for an NFL game, but the Lions’ last five home games have averaged 60.6 points per game and the Bills have scored at least 30 points in seven straight games. I can’t see how this game is anything other than a shootout.

Colts (+4) over Broncos: The Broncos went into last week’s bye with four straight wins and covers and they’ve covered all six times they’ve been favored this season. But the Colts are 4-1 against the spread as a road underdog, and they also come off a bye. Eleven of the Colts 13 games so far have been decided by one score. This game comes down to the wire.

Last week

College 3-2

NFL 3-0

Season

College 32-29

NFL 27-13-1